Wrong. Oh my god, wrong. I'm having heart failure it is so wrong. Dear readers, allow me to parse the offending opening paragraph with you (I couldn't read further; my bowels wouldn't allow it).
Anyone can be a hipster. All you need is an elitist and disaffected attitude, a few pairs of skinny jeans (maybe American Apparel's unisex pant, which come in many colors, or a pair of Cheap Mondays, a Swedish brand that got huge two years ago but is still selling at Urban Outfitters), some ironic thrift store t-shirts (the cotton has to be worn really thin so that they are an aura of 'authenticity'), a huge collection of music (note: vinyl > mp3), an apartment in the Mission District, a non-corporate job (bartender, barista, retail clothing associate, non-profit), a MySpace profile that has more than 1000 friends, some scuffed up canvas sneakers (NOT Converse), a neckerchief (bandanas on your actual head are so two years ago), a pair of 80s-era sunglasses, and a few visible tattoos. And while it's not necessary, it might be helpful to stop eating meat and to pick up a drug or alcohol problem.
That fucking list makes no sense, Guidespot. Let's go through it point by point and refute each claim with proof:
Skinny jeans does not a hipster make: I know this bc I have friends who are hippies who wear them. That, and my mother has a pair and she's 60 with a knee replacement, bitches. (Though she does look great.)
Ironic thrift store shirts: You know who else wears those? Nerds. And geeks. And EVERYONE.
Huge collection of music: Huh, this is a shocker. Way to be original Guidespot, trying to play into our "people in a band who like music are hipsters" bias. But I see right through it, bc you know why? In order to be a hipster you can't just HAVE a ton of music, you have to be a dick about it. But you are correct that hipsters would have vinyl as opposed to MP3s (thank you hipsters, for keeping our meager record shops in business). But simply having much music does not make you a hipster; it makes you cultured (which is totally not hipster, btw.)
A Mission apartment: I guess this is just assuming that a) no families or coporoate people live in the Mission, also and b) no hipsters live anywhere else.
A non-corporate job: Maybe the only thing you got right, Guidespot. Though if by "retail clothing associate" you meant salesgirl, then, uh, yeah--why'd you make it sound all corporate if that was the opposite of your point?
A MySpace page: I won't say anything, dear readers, bc I might soil myself with rage. Just no. No.
Sneakers: Whatever. Who doesn't wear sneakers? The badassest of hipsters are SO done with them, anyway, and are totally wearing crocodile flats and old-fashioned leather tuxedo shoes. Yeah, sneakers are just so everywhere these days.
A neckerchief: First, fuck you for using that term. And second, no, bc Rachel Ray wears that.
'80s era sunglasses: You know who else wears those? Marina girls. And rich people.
Tattoos: Nice, Guidespot, way to steal what is rightfully punk rock's and hardcore's and attribute it to the disaffected white youth. Nice.
Vegetarianism: Too lame to be hipster.
Drug problem: Too Lindsey Lohan to be hipster. At least, publicly. All the best hipsters snort drugs, and handle that shit! No rehab for them, bc they are livin' it.
Jesus. Wow. Sorry.
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