Because of the zipper. And you're waiting in line to sample free food. To eat. In public. Hipsters are never seen eating.
Also, uh, that bag means you maybe rode a bike in those shoes, and as much as track bike riders this city over will hate to hear this, hipsters don't ride bikes. They don't have enough muscle mass.
You're not a hipster.
also, hipsters don't ride bikes because then they'd expose their precious, snow white skin to the oppressive sun and any sign of being out during daylight hours would automatically kick them out of the hipster kingdom because then everybody would know that they didn't stay up as late a true hipster would doing emotionally fraught things and playing/listening to emotionally fraught music long enough to ensure they slept all day but could still complain about how bad their insomnia is.
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