RIP Dom DeLuise

You weren't a hipster, Dom, but you were rad. You shall be missed!

I was once at a steak house in Florida and Dom was there. He was making the whole restaurant laugh. When I finished my food, he took the plate from me and drew a picture on it in sharpie. It was of Dom's face and a horse. It wasn't very good, but I loved it and I loved him. And he let me smoke his cigar. I was 13 years old.
If you don't know Dom, check out "Spaceballs" and "Robinhood Men in Tights." And "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."

Things Dom shared in common with hipsters:
1)He was from Brooklyn
2)He went to college in the North East
3) He wore funny hats

Things Dom did not have in common with hipsters:
1) He was funny, damn it
2) He loved food and ate it in public and even wrote cookbooks
3)He worked steadily his whole life and made his way up in the industry with nothing to help him but a gut and grin

I'll be drinking in his honor and watching Mel Brooke's films tonight, if you're looking for me.

Why Allan from Mission Mission is not a hipster

Here's the thing about being a hipster. It’s like Fight Club: the first rule is you don't talk about it, and the second rule is that you never, not ever, admit to being one or think you are one. The moment you think you are one, you're not. I'm definitely not one because the other rule about being a hipster is if you have a side ass (the proper name for which may be saddle bags, but fuck you, that is rude) and are knock-kneed, you're not one. So that leaves me out. Whatever.

Now, my good friend whom I adore (and by that I mean this dude whose blog I love and read but have never met but whose taste in chicaronnes and dive bars is impeccable) Allan, from Mission Mission, seems on the surface to be a hipster. He kinda dresses like one--tight pants, ironically overdressed skinny ties--and he lives in SF's hipster mecca, the Mission. But then you start to realize, no Allan, you're not a hipster. Evidence that he is not:

1. He runs a successful and ever-popular Web site. Hipsters don't need fans. They send their art out into the void and the moment it becomes popular or makes them money, they cease being hipsters.
2. He is 28. That's almost too old to be a hipster. It's like being an actress, only slightly less soulless.
3. In a recent interview with Broke Ass Stuart, he is asked point blank if he is a hipster and he answers, "Well, I am wearing a fanny pack." That, my nonhipster masses, is a tacit yes. And as we know, that breaks the cardinal rule of being a hipster. Also, I have a friend who wears fanny packs and she does it without any of that affected irony that Williamsburg heroine-chic history majors wear it with. And you know why? Bc she grew up behind the fucking iron curtain, bitches, and she doesn't know the fanny pack is from the '80s! She thinks it's new, and shockingly convenient. Once I said to her, "Hey insert-Russian-name here, you're wearing a fanny pack!" and her face turned red and she said, "Why vood you call dis dat? Dis is my hip purse!"

Now, she, my friends, is a hipster. Because she's awesome and has no clue.

(Photo credit: Broke Ass Stuart)

when is a hipster not a hipster?

so in trying to come up with a theme for this blog, blü and i had a long discussion about what makes a hipster not a hipster. mostly to make sure we're not hipsters ourselves, thus deeming this blog pretty hypocritical and lame. but partly to determine what it is about hipsters that makes them not hipsters, even though they think they're hipsters.

and the answer is: hipsters who think they're hipsters, are nonhipsters.

saying "i'm a hipster" or not cringing when someone else calls you a hipster, makes you a nonhipster.

hanging out with other people who say "i'm a hipster" makes you a nonhipster by proxy.

or, if someone were to ask you "are you a hipster?" and you answer, even in your mind and not out loud, "yes," then you're definitely not a hispter.

saying "hipsters like track bikes, like mine" implying that you are, indeed, a hipster yourself, makes you a nonhipster.

if you who dress like what you think hipsters dress like, but make an effort to do so, then you're a nonhipster.

the list is endless. and will therefore be added to as this blog gains momentum.

enjoy. and remember: you're not a hipster.